“Dude, you’re losing your hair..”
“What are you talking about?”
“Look at your crown. You’re going bald.”
“No, come look in the mirror.”
“Why me? Why can’t some other guy get this? Don’t I have enough problems as it is? Why did God pick me to get this? Couldn’t he have picked one of the cool kids? Couldn’t he have picked a guy with a better looking face for it? Couldn’t he have picked a guy who was already married to get this? If I can just get married before this happens, I won’t have to worry about it. I’ve got time… for now.”
So off we go. To the old pictures. To the daily mirror checkup. To the plethora of internet websites brilliantly designed to play off of insecurities.
I’m looking at every guy around me. How bald is that guy? Is he bald? OK, enough of my old thought patterns.
I’m going bald. Thinning, really. Mildly. Guys who meet me would never ever notice it. But I can tell you the exact amount of baldness that any guy around me has. I’m aware of every hairline in the room. I even have plenty of cool hairstyles that will cover up the thinning as it progresses.
All of this fantastic stuff I learned a few years back, as a chump with no girlfriend and no ability to get a shred of attention from a girl if my life depended on it.
My logic at 21 years of age: If I can’t get a girl now, how will I get one when I’m bald and less good looking than I am now?
My model of the world at 21 years of age: I like good looking girls, so girls will only like me if they think I’m good looking. FUCK!!
I took Propecia and Rogaine for 2 years thereafter. It stopped the thinning. Then after my first summer of workshops, I decided to let it go. I felt that it would be hypocritical to do otherwise. How can I stare a bald guy in the face, and say “It doesn’t matter”, when I’ve just popped a pill a few hours before? I’ve seen many bald PUAs, some of whom are amongst the best. Time and time again it’s been shown that it doesn’t matter. It’s just that socially conditioned voice in the back of my head playing tricks.
All of this I know – now. But this whole thing really fucked me up for a while. Probably about two years. I mean, it really fucked me up. I was so fucked up over it, I look back on it and I feel almost as if I’m exaggerating because I can’t even relate to what that would feel like anymore.
But there was a good side. First, it made me realize that I was going to die. Soon. Not soon, as in SOON. But soon as in the fact that time flies and your life passes you by before you know it. I’ve been doing workshops almost every weekend for two years now. It was supposed to be a field trip that Papa and I were going to take together. I haven’t lived in a stable house in two years. I’ve been traveling. *Two years* have blown by. It feels like five minutes. My life will be like that. Every key stroke entered into this article is another second that I’m not getting back no matter how clever I think I am to “outstrip” it – as Heidegger would say, for my fellow geeks.
Losing my hair, combined with losing my girlfriend, were two of the biggest change-driving incidents that happened in my life. They happened around the same time. It changed my thinking pattern 180 degrees. I felt like I had only a few years to do the things I wanted to do. I started getting shit done… double time.
I resisted losing my girlfriend. I remember how I begged for her to come back. I didn’t particularly like her either. She was cute, and we lived together. I mean, imagine that – a girl liked me enough to come live with me! After nineteen years of nothing, and all of a sudden a cute girl wanted to come and lived with me! How could I not love her?
When she dumped me, my reality just fell apart. I was just a total mess. I begged for her to come back. I knew she’d fucked the guy from the Pita Pit. The PITA PIT!! But I chose to ignore it. I didn’t care, I just wanted her back. I just wanted the feelings to go away.
I sat in bed for a few months, sleeping 18 hours a day, and then 2, and then 18. If I could go back to sleep, I could feel better. I played a lot of Street Fighter II. Watched TV. Failed my second year of classes and pissed away my chances at grad school. Damn, I would have kicked ass. Woops.
My old girlfriend is cute little married porker now. Do you know what a girl who is 5’1 looks like when she adds on 40 pounds? Go see my ex. And she’s depressed and low-self-esteem. But I didn’t know it at the time. I was low-self-esteem myself – how could I have known that of someone else? My friends from Canada sit back at home in their bored depressed ruts. They’ll probably never grow nor ever leave. The whole world is out there, and they’ll probably never see or learn about it, nor probably ever see or learn about themselves. Of course with lower standards comes easy gratification. Who am I to judge them?
God damn though, I’ve seen some cool shit since all of this started. I’ve been all over. I remember skiing down a hill in Whistler BC, and thinking about how lucky I am. I want to see more, too. I want to see everything I can. I want to see even the weird places like the Arctic and Africa. Shit, this stuff is so cool. Have you guys ever been to Vegas? It seems like no big deal, but have you ever stopped to think of how COOL Vegas is?? And there are so many places like that. It’s pretty cheap too. Like you can get on a plane for two or three hundred and stay in a shitty hostel if you have to.
But if you don’t get off your ass, its too inconvenient. Fuck that though – Do it!!
None of this was on my mind a few years ago though. It was outside of my reality. My reality lied upon the 401HW strip from Ontario to Quebec. Toronto, Kingston, Ottawa, Montreal. And my relationship reality lied within the context established in my high school and peer group.
I look at the girls that I meet now, and these are the girls that wouldn’t have given me the time of day a few years ago. I don’t think of it like that though. I just think of them as kind of cute and dorky. I don’t really view them as hot, but more on a deeper level. Like I feel their insecurities and shortcomings and I know where I’m at in relation after all the work I’ve put in. I own the frame on them like it’s nothing. It doesn’t even take a second thought.
Sometimes though I’ll be with a girl I’m dating, like out shopping or something, and I’ll snap back into old thinking patterns. Like “Holy shit, this girl could be with any guy but me.” I snap out quick, because that thought path leads to nowhere. It’s all bullshit, too. I’m a natural now. I can forget sometimes though. Only for a second. But it reminds me that I have a past that actually existed. I talk about it and I feel like I’m bullshitting. But it actually happened. What’s this shit I wrote about freaking out from thinning hair? Did I really feel like that?! Should I even be admitting it? Is it representative of who I am? Was that me? It can’t be. Can it?
Sometimes I forget about what it took to get to where I’m at. Like, I can totally relate to all those naturals who say “Dude, this isn’t that hard. Just be cool. Enough with all these retarded analyses. Just be cool.” That’s why I post immediately even the most subtle detail. Within a day, I’ll have internalized it and will have lost my ability to articulate it. Or I’ll think its too subtle to write it and just dumb. I feel embarrassed of my archive, even though I know its good. Guys tell me they like it, and I’m like “Shit dude, you read that?! That thing is way too dense. Just be cool and escalate.” But really, without all the piled up posts, the game wouldn’t exist. And that’s an indication of progress, which is a good thing.
It was a solid effort over several years. I always had goals and was working at them. I think that the forums misrepresent how hard it is to go from chump to PUA. If I’d known what I would have to go through just to get my first lay, I’d have never even started. The same with my business. But I always thought that success was just around the corner. I was convinced. More importantly, I enjoyed the process of it. I immersed myself in it.
Every month that went by, if someone hadn’t seen me, they’d say “Wow man, you’ve really changed. Your voice is different. Your vibe is different.” Girls say it to me. It’s tangible. Like a guy who makes diet changes and exercises, and the progress is slow but if someone doesn’t see him for a few months it’s almost freaky.
Wherever I went, I was looking at guys. Constantly. Looking at people around me. Playing the game. Asking for feedback. Meeting people. Looking at where I was getting bad feedback.
Watching naturals in the clubs. Meeting guys in the community. Looking at myself in a detached manner. Ouch, it hurt sometimes. A lot, really. I’d make progress and feel good about myself, and then realize that I still sucked. I couldn’t totally figure out why, but it came to me over time. I feel like I still suck compared to what I could do with more time. The community is not a good bar for what’s possible. I set my own bar for what’s possible.
I was consistent. How many guys can claim that? In my opinion, very few. The reason I say that is that most people I meet are able to get to a high level far faster than I was. If people would put in the same effort that I’d put in, I think they’d get better than me in less time. I’m not a fast learner. I have a few areas of exceptional aptitude, but overall I lack in cognitive capacity compared to my peers. All areas that I’m good at are things that I sucked at, but put in ten times the effort of everyone else to get a result. I’ve had to come to terms with that over time. Rather than letting it piss me off though, I use it as motivation.
Like with pickup, I played two years before I got a result. Two years to get laid a single time. Two years of walking up to girls with my throat tensed up and my voice cracking dry and my heart pounding and my forehead visibly sweating. Guys wonder why I kept playing so hard after I got good? It was momentum. I was going so hard that I don’t think I could have stopped even if I wanted to. Two years to get laid. Fuck!
When it happened I couldn’t believe it. I had a bunch of near misses for a few months prior to it. I knew that it was coming, but didn’t totally believe it. When it happened I was in shock. I remember getting the girls’ clothes off, and I was like “Shit, I’m close.. Even if I don’t get it, I’m going to get it soon..” I nailed it. She even stayed overnight and we hooked up in the morning. I turned the girl off within about three weeks by going back to old behavior patterns. But for that period of time I had a girlfriend again. She was just as cute as my first girlfriend too.
This was all played out in the real world. The chat forum isn’t a place to learn pickup. I learned pickup on my own. I had guidance. I couldn’t have done it without having met the best. But streamlining and re-wiring all of my thought and behavior patterns was complicated. That is how you get girls, by the way. It isn’t through anything other than that.
Cool guys get laid. If you’re not a cool guy, you probably won’t get laid very much. It’s not by being alpha or being sexual or having rapport or anything else. Those are just things that you add into the mix to do even better. Every weekend I meet guys who are nerds but trying to use this stuff, and it just makes them come off even weirder. I could make a tape of guys from the community trying to implement the tech they learn – even the most simple stuff like “alpha body language” or “sexual state” (let alone my shit), and sell it as a prime time comedy special.
If you’re not cool, then that’s the problem. Cool just means congruent in your actions and all that. There’s no universal of cool. It can come in a million forms. Even nerdy can be cool, if it comes from the right place. And this is all learned in field. Because through the dumb “comedy special” worthy moments where you’re trying out tech that you don’t understand, you’re progressing. Even if you drop it down the line, its changing your awareness of communication channels. It’s changing your thought patterns. It’s changing YOU.
You can only learn to understand it through trial and error. That’s what I did. Papa and Barry, one of our other wings, went around an entire club of 5,000 people and high-fived everyone in it several times, just to see what would happen. Barry got laid out of it! Can you actually believe this shit?? I used to tell girls to close their eyes, and I’d kiss them. I had a girl at a juice counter shriek and freak out. I thought she’d call the police, but she was totally into it after she calmed down. It amplified attraction somehow.
All of this comes from the field. Real life. The chat forum is a place where you can read stuff that will make sense of PAST EXPERIENCES that you’ve had. It can even give you a few ideas of how to get out there – magic penny style. But mostly, it’s just something that gives you a resource where you can look back at what you did and make more sense of it.
In my opinion, the difficulty for most guys is that they don’t really want it. They don’t REALLY want it. They want it if it’s easy, but they don’t really want it. If they did, they’d go and get it. I really wanted it. I was driven to go and get it. Most guys aren’t. Most guys reading this book look on it as though they are watching a movie or reading a fictional novel. They don’t really want it. They just want to feel good about themselves. They want the emotion more than the outcome. That’s cool too though. In my opinion, anyway.
So all of this stuff, that’s me. That’s my personality – who I was and who I am now. How bad do you really want it though? What’s going to drive you to do it? The stuff that I spoke of – those were my points of change. What are yours?