The way that you perceive the world is in part a reflection of the way that you perceive yourself.
Although everyone is different, the best guys that I’ve seen in the field usually have certain qualities.
One of the big ones that I’ve noticed is that they are happy people. Internally, they are in a position where they value themselves enough that they are ready to offer value to others.
Some of the best PUAs I’ve ever had the pleasure of hanging out with have something in common that really strikes me about these guys. They are genuinely happy people. They want to see the best in other people.
One guy I know who’s a very good PUA has this on his tagline, when he posts on the forums: “Wishing you the best that you deserve”. I remember when I first saw that last year, I thought it was retarded. But over time I realized that it was really who he was, and that that was the energy that he wanted to put out there. It was actually a part of his success with women, too.
I’ve watched these guys over a long period of time, and learned a lot from them. Even back when they were first starting, it was obvious that they were going to be good because they were the types of guys who had the right energy. Because of that, if they just learned a few tactics then they would get good almost instantly. When they open a set, the girls can feel that energy from them immediately. They’re drawn to it.
I’ve really come to believe that when a guy has a positive outlook of himself and the world, it totally comes across to the girls. When a guy comes to the community feeling bad about himself and the world, no amount of tactics is going to mask it. But he’ll want tactics, because it’s easier to look at it that way rather than to admit that he has to work on his thinking patterns.
When a guy does not have any value to offer himself, his knee-jerk reaction will be to find reasons to be skeptical about others or to demean them down to his level. His sense of value is weak, and so if he were to acknowledge value in others it would cause him to feel bad about himself.
A guy with a strong sense of value knows how hard it is to cultivate that, and will appreciate it in others. His knee-jerk reaction will be to see the good in people.
Now some guys reading this will have the knee-jerk response, “Well I’m a critical thinker, and I don’t buy everyone’s bullshit!” I understand that, and I’m not suggesting that at all.
What I’m saying, rather, is that in the end of the day if a guy is bullshit then that is their problem, and not yours. Every person has something good that you can learn from, so if you’re open to seeing it then you’ll learn at least something from it.
So for a guy to be positive, that doesn’t mean that he worships a guy. It just means that it’s so obvious that he would never worship a guy, that he doesn’t need to reinforce it to himself over and over to prevent himself from doing it. He’s a cool guy himself, and can appreciate other people from a position of non-neediness.
Back when I was first trying to establish a sense of value for myself, I would see a celebrity and my first reaction would be to say something like “You know, I’m not intimidated by him just because he’s in the movies. He’s still a human being!”
Notice its the first thing that comes out of my mouth, out of all the infinite things I could notice and comment on. Was that really how I felt about the guy? And moreover, shouldn’t the fact that he’s just a human being go without saying?
Likewise, I’d be thinking about what kind of pranks I could play on him. It would never occur to me to just roll up and be cool, and that he would want to be cool with me in return. Rather, I could get interaction with him through some means that would shelter me from being rejected if I interacted from a position of just being myself.
Since then, I’ve worked on myself. And when I see a celeb, I might actually give props. What’s interesting though, is that like many aspects of the game it is cyclical.
Chode: “Oh god, I worship this guy.”
Recovering Chode: “I’m not intimidated. He’s not all that.”
PUA: “Cool, this guy has done some great stuff. Props to the guy for working hard.”
Just because I give props, doesn’t imply that I’m intimidated. I’m not shrieking and asking for an autograph. I’m just recognizing the dude is a cool guy and saying what’s on my mind.
I want people to feel good around me, because that’s the kind of energy I want around me. Me giving props is a demonstration that I can see something that took hard work, and I can RELATE to it on an identity level.
It’s not necessary that I control the frame all the time, because I know I can take it back if it’s taken from me anyway. It’s just a role, to build a good vibe.
When I meet celebrities when I’m out, they sometimes invite me to come and hang with them. The reason they do that, is that I offer value by joking around and shooting the shit. Not because I try to demean them.
If I want to come at a guy who is cool, and he’s a celeb so the situation is obvious that I want to talk to him because of something that I know going in, then I don’t try to overcompensate by seeking out the negative.
I just come at the guy like “What’s up bro.. Cool shit..” on a verbal level. On a non-verbal level, I’m just as cool. I’m laid back, just chilling, having a good time.
Cool people pick up on this stuff. I have to trust my body language and mannerisms to do the work for me, without having to tip the scales verbally. I’m always amazed at how well it works. Me showing that I think he’s cool is almost like me saying that I think that of myself. It’s in the sub- communication.
It’s like a balance between demeaning and worshipping. It’s in the middle. It’s called BEING NORMAL. Being normal means giving props if its deserved without being a fanboy. A cool guy is secure with himself to give props.
The same goes when guys interact with girls, or anyone of higher value. Many guys that I meet from the community are defensive around girls. They’ll be cocky in a way where they’re sheltering their real personality. They’ll bust on girls in ways that aren’t funny. It is very transparent.
If you can think back to any times that you did this, try next time giving a girl props on something you think is cool about her. You won’t lose value. If you’re coming from the right place and not just seeking a reaction, then she’ll just think you’re a cool guy who says what’s on his mind.
One thing that one of my friends noted to me when he came into the community, was that it draws a certain type of person. That is, “Significance based”.
Most of us are drawn here not because we woke up and decided that we want to go bang hundreds of girls. Some of us, sure. But not most of us. The majority of people who waded through all the manuals and guides and learned the culture, did so because of the drive to feel significant. By conquering their issue with girls, they thought they could feel significant.
When significance based guys from the community meet eachother in the field, it’s very common that they’ll find ways to lower each other as a way to feel significant. They’ll be like “This guy wasn’t all that.”
I used to do this myself. I remember meeting one of my PUA idols, and thinking he wasn’t all that and that he wasted my time. What was interesting, was that in hindsight, it’s obvious to me now that he was a really cool guy. He wasn’t coming there to impress me. He was coming to have a good time and offer value in that sense.
The negative energy that I was projecting was weirding him out, and making him feel uncomfortable. I chose to see in him what I unconsciously perceived in myself. We weren’t building a vibe together that we could just throw onto the girls. We were building a vibe where I was making him feel like he was qualifying himself, and like whatever he did was to impress me.
So the guy not going and blowing up sets was a self-fulfilling prophecy. When you feel all uncomfortable from some needy guy draining you, it’s hard to turn around and create a vibe with a girl that she’ll be drawn to.
At first the top skilled guys in the community would find it and think it’s cool to meet likeminded guys. But they eventually get turned off because most guys will not come at them like a normal person. They come at them wanting to get analytical.
So maybe they sit there fidgetting, waiting to see them blow up a set. Or maybe they want to overanalyze the shit out of their bodylanguage and speaking mannerisms. Regardless, they want to take value. But what does the PUA stand to get out of all this? He just wanted to meet other likeminded guys to have fun with.
But that’s not going to happen today, because this guy that he’s meeting up with is going to “get to the bottom of it!” The thing is, obviously if they’re coming into the situation from that kind of position then they’re going to find a way to see the negative.
Nobody is “all that”. There are just guys who work hard to improve themselves, and they have varying levels of success. And some of these guys, believe it or not, are doing really well. In order for a person to see it and learn from it though, you have to be able see the good in yourself first.