Here’s something I’ve known for a long time, and been meaning to write an article about.
If any of you guys recall the field report where I almost slept with that big fat chick that I met at the homecoming block parties on my campus, that was what reminded me of this.
Just going back over it, what happened was that I met this girl in the backyard of the party, and started getting it on with her pretty hard within about 3 minutes. It was dark, and I couldn’t tell how big she was. OUCH.
So we get back towards the house (I’m isolating her for full close because she lives in one of the houses), and we get into the light where I realize that she’s too big and not even as pretty as I originally thought. Now at this point, after close to an hour of foreplay, you’d THINK that I would just go for it anyway. But nope, there was no way.
But in hindsight, what REALLY made it not happen? Well to me, more than anything, it was that when we went from OUTSIDE to INSIDE, the environment was so different that it literally BROKE MY STATE.
Even WEIRDER though, was that once I got inside with the girl, I actually noticed that even SHE didn’t really want it as much anymore. At first I thought that it was because she could sense the disgust on my face. But in reality, now that I think about it, I think that she actually lost state because of:
- change in lighting
- change in sound (from music and partying to absolute quiet)
- change in the level that we were talking at
Had we moved, say, to a shed or something in the backyard, she might have gotten me to have sex with her, because my state would have been there and I would have thought “aaaah, fuck it.. sex is sex” The reason I say that is that although I was turned off when we got towards the house, and I could see that she wasn’t hot, I was STILL in state. But once I got inside, I was TOTALLY turned off (thank god), and SO WAS SHE.
I noticed the SAME with one of my wings last week, when I was visiting him in Toronto. There was a HB7 and a HB6. We pulled them from the club back to their house. The girls literally said “we want sex” – they weren’t even slutty – they were just college girls who could tell that we were decent guys, and after a debrief apparently the only guys who came up to them and just had fun and didn’t hit on them. They were even bitching that they’d had condoms in the house for 3 months, and that
even though they were in college they hadn’t had the chance to use them, and their friends kept getting laid and not them and they were sick of it.
Anyway, I’ve never yet had sex with any girl under a hot 7, but I was willing to jump on the sword to allow for my wing to hookup with this 7 because he lives in Toronto and he could have made her a GF. The thing was though, once I got back to her house, and the excitement of the club was gone, AGAIN I just couldn’t do it.
I took her downstairs and took her shirt off, but then I got LMR and lockup and called it off. I told her to chill out and talked baby-talk to her until she fell asleep. This girl woke up the next morning with her shirt off, and not having fucked me. I was long gone.
So where am I going with this? Girls get the same thing. Big time. When you pull a girl from a loud club, within seconds it can go from:
- you two are yelling at eachother over the noise, listening to music, getting hyped from the crowd, being in a warm environment to
- dead quiet, dark parking lot, two of you talk and SOUND different, nobody is around, fantasy cognitive dissonance environment of the club is gone
It KILLS buying temperature.
Now I find that many girls you pull are semi-drunk, and they won’t usually notice it. But if their buzz fades, they may call it off. Also, you see some of them coming out of state if you have to drive them back to their house, because you can’t keep up the act on the car ride. In a taxi its different, because you can make out the whole way home.
One thing that I’ll do is that when we’re leaving the club, I’ll say shit like “The music will be gone in a second.. this will be weird, this will be weird..”, so that they’ll realize it before it happens.
Also key, is that I always try to isolate my girl, or bring her group, OUTSIDE. That way, we can talk at a normal volume and see each-other in a normal context. That, in my opinion, reduces flaking, because its not as weird when you call her the next day. Of course instant-date builds comfort also, because she sees that you’re fun to hang around outside a club context.
ANOTHER state breaker though, that’s even WEIRDER is VOICE TONE.
Like I’ve had girls who I was talking to in one voice tone, and when I switched it up they’ve said “What are you doing? Why are you talking like that?” And then they drop state, and I have to go back to my old voice tone to re-initiate it.
You can see problems with this when you try to phase shift too early, and you slow down your speech but the girl just gets bored because her buying temperature wasn’t stabilized yet. Also, you see it with the hardcore ball busting, when you try to build connection. You just lose attention instantly.
I know that some guys are really good at running their game at an energy level where when they switch gears, its not that abrupt, and doesn’t cause state loss as easily. For me, I’ve experimented with both very high and very low energy levels in my game.
I’ve found that high energy is MUCH better for running sets, but also much higher flake ratio, because once you phone them you can’t keep up that energy level. Also, her response to that energy level had to be built with time, and when you phone its too INCONGRUENT when you act initially normal.
Voice tone is a MAJOR way of getting girls into state though. The more fun you act (not sexual) the more excited they get. They get REALLY aroused from guys in clubs who are just fun and not sexual, because they’re already horny from the club environment, and they’re suppressing it, but when you’re fun they can’t help it.
For me, in the past 2 months, I’ve been practicing a really LOW KEY game. I’ve lost SHITLOADS of sets as a result, but my flaking has gone way down. Also my trust levels are higher. I’ve FINALLY got it down in the past 2 weeks.
This way, I can phone girls up and its totally congruent with how I acted on Day1.
What’s also interesting to me, is that girls start to PICK UP on what you’ve been doing to put them in state. And the second they REALIZE what you were doing, and pick up on the pattern, it stops working.
Like if you were cocky and funny, but keep it up later, it can literally just NOT WORK. That’s why we use punishment/reward, and just pure freeze outs, which ALWAYS work no matter where you are in the game, assuming you’ve past the hook point.
To me, its fascinating to try to rebuild states, or to initiate them in the first place, using my game. I can control girls states like no other – its ridiculous. When I’m gaming a girl, there is NO THOUGHT as to my ego or anything. It’s purely trying to solve a puzzle of how to escalate her states. This sort of stuff is a key piece of that puzzle for me.
Anyway, I hope this stuff is conveyed over the internet. I know 80% of guys on here don’t even get the context, because their game isn’t at a point where they can build states for an extended period of time just yet. But for other guys who play the game regularly, this stuff will all ring true.
-change in energy level
-recognition of what you’ve been doing to put her in state (her realizing its not “just happening”;)
-peer group intervention
-cell phone (I’ve lost girls when their boyfriends call)
-a bad image association (bringing up or teasing her on a sore topic)
-her inadvertently doing things that force you to chase, therefore killing your status in her eyes
-circumstances that force you to chase, like a fight breaking out or someone puking or a fire alarm, and you get split up, but have to go find her to re-initiate, and then she realizes you weren’t as hard to get as you seemed
Any of these things can break state instantly, and kill the pick up.